A 34-year-old Beautiful woman has broken her silence about marital issues she has held in for too long, deciding to speak about it with a comprehensive write-up on her facebook page.
This is how she captures her Story
Love is really a beautiful thing especially if it is being experienced with the the ‘right’ one and the right one doesn’t mean it is devoid of issues.
And so this almost 34year old girl met Henry on Facebook.
Henry is a good-looking man who had almost all the qualities a woman would like; great talker, Mr lover man, always there when you need him. Hmmmmm… But over time I have come to realise that most ‘wrong’ people put up a face, an act(s) just to get to their target.
Anyways, I and Henry became an item when we eventually met after about 2 months of chatting on facebook. At the time I met him, he was out of job. What he told me at the time was that he was implicated in the office by people who didn’t like him and he ‘unconsciously’ fell into the trap which led to his sack.
I didn’t probe further. I believed him. I mean who wouldn’t believe her man.
In my minds eye, I felt that if he is down today doesn’t mean he won’t be up tomorrow. He started talking marriage about 9 months later but he put up a caveat that he didn’t have money and would love to have his money before venturing into the marriage. Being the supportive babe that I was I told him we had each other and we could do anything we wanted to do.
Marriage plans began in earnest.
His people went to my place and the necessary list was given to them.
Let’s assume the list cost 500k, I provided a million just in case of unforeseen circumstances. On the day of the traditional wedding, 15th December 2012, (the day I should have called off the whole thing), normally the man in the bride’s family will go to ensure that the items brought by the in-laws the previous day was complete. You could imagine my amazement when my brother comes to inform me that the items were not complete.
I told him he was kidding as I was damn sure every provision was made. My kid brother told me he checked a gazillion times because he knew I would doubt.
I now called Henry who was on his way with his people for the traditional wedding to ask him why my brother was telling me that the items were not complete and he started speaking gibberish which I couldn’t make a head or tail out of.
Long story short, I gave my brother my ATM card to go ensure the items were completed. Till tomorrow Henry could not give account of what he did with the funds he was given and I wasn’t supposed to ask further after all traditional wedding was done ‘successfully’.
White wedding was slated for the 6th of April 2013.
We had to find a house where we would move to before the wedding being that his place was small. He found one which I paid for. Now, in the house the kitchen needed cabinets coupled with furniture we were going to make for the sitting room and bedrooms. I introduced him to my carpenter, they both put their heads together and came up with a bill which I paid into Henry’s account.
These items were to be ready before the wedding.
Let’s assume we had ten items to take care of for the wedding, we divided it into two, he takes care of one part (invitation cards, his suit with his best man’s, venue and venue decorations, rings, drinks) and I take care of the other part (my dress with the chief bride’s maid, feeding, gifts, communications) BUT I provided funds for everything and paid into Henry’s account money for his own part.
After the traditional and before the white wedding, I was running a program away from my location. I was always available every other weekend for us to cross our t’s and dot out i’s. Before the white wedding, he intimated me that he was owing a friend (let’s call him Paul) and that the said friend was going to arrest him on the wedding day if he doesn’t clear his debt. I requested to speak with Paul and Paul truly confirmed he was being owed by Henry.
I pleaded with him and assured him that I will impress upon Henry to have his debt cleared. I could have paid the guy directly but I was saving Henry’s face because I gave the money to Henry and urged him to make the payments.
Now, on one of the weekends I came back I enquired about the furnishings and he told me the carpenter was still on it. It felt odd because I knew my carpenter to be someone who doesn’t disappoint. I felt maybe the job was too much for him. I kept my cool.
One of the items Henry was to take care of was the venue and its decorations. He came to meet me at my away location with the person who was supposed to do the job. We will call the guy Andrew. Andrew explained what he was going to do but his price was too much. He was charging 350k for just decorations when we had budgeted about 250k for both venue and decorations so you could imagine how pleasantly surprised I was when Henry called me a week later to say the guy was going to work with our budget.
No furnishings yet. After our reception on our way home, Henry tells me we are owing Andrew about 200k and I should do everything I can to ensure he is paid.
Apparently, Henry lied to me that Andrew was going to work with our budget unknown to me that he had told him we would pay him. I told him it was his effing business.
I didn’t do anything called honey moon. I was too pissed off with the liar I had with me. Two weeks into the wedding, Paul calls me. I thought he was calling to thank me for getting his money paid. How wrong I was.
He called to complain that he hadn’t heard from Henry. I was shocked. I pleaded with him to please me patient that it could be the stress of the wedding. I asked Henry what was up and he commanded that I no longer communicate with the guy that he will take care of things.
I was livid!
This is someone you claimed was going to arrest you and now you are speaking English that you will take care of things?! Damn! Long and short, Henry never gave Paul the money (this took about 5 months) and he never said what he did with the money. I had to pay Paul another money which made Henry furious. In his words “you want the whole world to know that you are the one bringing the money” I literally told him to go to hell!
June, furnishings were yet to be in the house. I had to confront the carpenter
who told me that at the time we were speaking Henry had not given him any
advance and there was no way he was going to work without an advance.
I died inside.
I approached Henry. He had no words but went to harass the carpenter that he wanted to destroy his marriage. Long and short, I paid for another furnishings this time directly to the carpenter to the chagrin of Henry.
November, Henry lost his mum (God rest her soul) and during the process of the
burial, he brought a list to me claiming it was the responsibility he was
given. The first time I took a loan so that would be taken care of. I however
asked his elder sister why they would give Henry responsibilities when they
knew he wasn’t doing anything and she told me in clear terms that Henry was
never given any responsibility but that he chose those responsibilities himself
to her shock.
Of course, Henry denied those allegations. I believed his sister.
Before our wedding we had marriage class and we were asked to bring our baptismal cards. Henry went to Jos to get his and came back with two cards; one that had 1976 as year of birth and the other had 1974. When I asked, he said the one that had 1976 was an error and he was presented with a correct one of 1974.
During one of my gists with my sister-in-law I got to find out she was the one born in 1974 and not him. I called her attention to it and we all laughed at his silliness as one cannot understand how he can be in the same age bracket as his elder sister except they were twins which they weren’t.
Suffice to say that Henry denied it claiming I believe ‘outsiders’ more than him.
Anyways he has different ages he has told different people at different times.
Phew! Now with all this wahala, you can be sure that feeling horny is the last thing that will come to mind but the few times I do get horny I have nowhere to turn to except him and when I make such moves, he begins to reel out things he wants to do and how a man can’t have an erection if he’s got alot on his mind. In essence, if I wanted to get laid, I had to pay for it.
Did it a few times and stopped.
But that didn’t stop me from discussing with him on going to check our productive health. At least in my mind, the small one I am getting should have resulted to something. We did all kinds of hormonal checks and the results were good. The gynecologist however said he was going to help us by giving me an injection which would multiply my eggs and by the next 24-36 hours I and my husband should meet and hopefully they would be a result.
In the several months I was taking these injections, when it is time for I and Henry to meet, he would tell me he isn’t in the mood or disappear entirely.
I literally told the gynecologist that I was no longer interested in the injections after all my results are good and besides, they could be side effects in future.
He had to invite Henry to ask him why he is refusing to sleep with me and he claimed that his reason was because he didn’t know my ATM pin.
In my office one day, the land lady calls me and after our chit chat she says to me that I seem to have forgotten something. I had to plead with her to remind me and she goes on to say that Henry had approached her at my insistence to borrow money from her that my sister was ill. To say that I was shocked was an understatement. When I got home and asked Henry, he flared and said he never said it was for my sister’s illness.
Even if you didn’t say it was money for anyone’s illness, couldn’t you have informed me to at least save me this embarrassment? “I queried”
Anyways I paid money for what I knew no idea about and of course Henry kept malice with the Landlady for over two years. Sometimes, I did sit and wonder what I could do to help the situation knowing that when a man isn’t providing could have an effect. I sold ALL MY GOLD just so Henry can do one or two contracts he always comes up with and in the end nothing comes out of it.
know he is a good cook.
I pleaded and cajoled that he uses his talent instead of all this unyielding contract here and there.
He finally agreed to start an eatery.
I took out a loan to set that up but Henry wanted me to come by the eatery after my day’s job to come work too. I couldn’t. It was crazy. I didn’t want to die early.
Anyways, his village people were hard at work on his case the day he decided to write that famous birthday post of 2017.
There and then I told myself I had had enough!
moved out on June 10th, 2017.
Bride price was returned on January 28th, 2018.
Divorced on January 18th, 2019.
Marriage annulled, September 4th, 2019.
This isn’t all but I think this is just OK.
I sleep and wake up like a baby everyday now not being scared of anything.
Any form of commitment is the last thing on my mind even though I know some marriages are beautiful but it is just not for me.
I fuck when and how I want to.
My greatest joy is knowing that my parents and siblings have peace now knowing that I am ok. I am soo sorry I had to put them through that. But it’s all good now.
My name is Ms Mercedes Ekwutosim Okwukogu.